A woman who forgave her partner of six years after he cheated on her two years into their relationship has asked what she should do after the ‘big surprise’ of recently finding out he was also unfaithful in his last relationship.
The anonymous woman, from the UK, took to Reddit and told how she is still ‘healing’ after her partner of six years ‘had a brief fling’ with another woman after deciding they were ‘on a break’ two years into their relationship – despite the fact they lived together and he often tried to convince her they were still a couple.
However, she went on to explain how she ‘recently found out’ that he had an affair with a work colleague while living with his last girlfriend – before going on to say she’s now ‘unsure’ what to do with how she’s feeling.
Many were quick to take to the comments section to offer their opinions – with one branding his behaviour a ‘big red flag pattern’.
An anonymous woman, from the UK, told how she is ‘healing’ after her partner of six years ‘had a brief fling’ with another woman after deciding they were ‘on a break’ to years into their relationship – despite living together (stock image)
Elsewhere, others argued the new information didn’t change anything, and that she should weigh up whether the therapy they had together had helped him changed his ways.
In the initial post, the concerned woman penned: ‘I spent a lot of time trying to decide if I should break up with him back then. I decided to stay. We went to therapy (joint and he went alone as well).
‘He also did a lot of things I asked him to do to regain my trust (although he still has some slip-ups when it comes to Facebook where it leaves me feeling uneasy…in those cases he often will become defensive but eventually agree that I’m right).’
She continued: ‘Anyway, I very recently found out that he had an affair with a work colleague while living with his last girlfriend. I’m unsure what to do with how I’m feeling.’
The woman went on to explain how she ‘recently found out; that he had an affair with a work colleague while living with his last girlfriend – before admitted she’s ‘unsure’ what to do with how she was feeling
‘I asked him why and he said because at the time he hated work so much, plus his girlfriend was really busy all the time with work and he was lonely.’
The woman went on to explain how this happened before she even knew him – but added that given the fact he also cheated on her, said it ‘feels like a pattern.’
She added: ‘I mean, he’s already cheated twice while in relationships (that I know of). And I can tell he’s trying but if he’s stressed or upset, he will become defensive and sort of blame it on my actions.
‘I don’t know what to think. Since it happened in his previous relationship, it really has nothing to do with me, right? Or should I think of it as a red-flag pattern?
Many were quick to take to the comments section to offer the opinions, with many telling her that she should leave her partner
Users were quick to respond to urge the woman to leave the relationship, explaining this pattern in cheating behaviour was a ‘red flag’.
‘Do you really need someone else to tell you what he’s like?’ commented one. ‘He’s going to cheat and he’s going to blame something else. Period. It’s who he is. He is dishonourable and doesn’t take responsibility for it.
‘Also, when people don’t take responsibility, nothing will change. Period.’
Another penned: ‘He cheats, he blames it on everyone and everything but himself, and does it again. It is a pattern. Why do you accept this in your life?’ while a third urged her to ‘send him on his cheating way and wave bye!’
A fourth commented: ‘Leave? You’re fishing for a reason. He cheated on you before. Even if he jumps through every flaming hoop you set for reconciling, you are not obligated to stay in the relationship. You say he keeps slipping up… Well, there you go.’
Another user branded it a ‘big red flag pattern’, while someone else said that if the woman stayed with her partner she would be ‘looking over her shoulder for her whole life’
Another wrote: ‘Big red flag pattern. And what terrible excuses to cheat. Not saying there is ever a good reason.
‘But he hated his job and his girlfriend was busy? Geez. Anytime there’s a bump in a relationship he cheats. ‘Girlfriend not giving attention? Cheat. Girlfriend having issues in the relationship? Cheat.
Meanwhile, other users were less quick to say that the woman should break up with her partner.
One person penned: ‘I don’t think the revelation that he cheated in his last relationship tells you anything about him that you didn’t already know. It’s not new information that he’s a cheater you found that out first-hand and you chose to give him a second chance.
Others said the new information didn’t change anything, and that she should be weighing up whether the therapy they had together and he had alone had helped him
‘The thing to weigh up now is whether the changes he’s making are substantive and sincere enough that you can trust that he won’t cheat on you again.
‘If he’s truly committing to making a change and being faithful and you can see that then it would be unfair of you to hold what he did in his previous relationship against him.
‘I’d say you have no more reason to be on your guard now than you did before you found out about his previous relationship.’
A second wrote: ‘You are the only one who can know if the therapy worked, if he really has grown up to accept responsibility for hurting you and damaging your relationship.
‘I cheated on a couple bfs in high school… way before I was interested in serious commitment.
‘But I’ve been in a healthy relationship now for 12 years. People can grow out of that temptation, but only when they realise they need to grow up and stop hurting people.
‘I don’t even think about other men in “that way”… and neither does my husband. I have to point it out if some other woman hits on him or flirts with him…’
Another commented: ‘If you’re in the process of healing, why bring up mistakes he made before he knew you? Cheating on you was the red-flag. You chose to stay. If you choose to stay together you have to give him the opportunity to do better. Bringing up the past doesn’t help you move forward.’