Is it selfish to confess to an affair? Pregnant woman who cheated on her husband seven years ago says she NOW wants to come clean to clear her conscience – but is criticised for not putting his feelings first
- British woman said she feels guilty for not telling her husband about her affair
- Revealed she is currently eight months pregnant but struggles with her secret
- Posting on Mumsnet, explained she cheated with a co-worker seven years ago
- Responses were divided with many arguing it’s too late to tell her husband
A pregnant woman who is considering telling her husband that she cheated on him has sparked a heated debate on if it can be too late to confess to an affair.
Posting anonymously on British forum Mumsnet, the woman, who has been married for four years, said she slept with a co-worker seven years ago when her now-husband was living in another country and a poor communicator.
But she admitted she now feels racked with guilt and said she was debating revealing her secret to her partner.
Responses to the post were torn, with some arguing it was too late to tell her husband and it would cause immense damage to their marriage.
A British woman has sparked a fiery debate about confessing to cheating on her spouse after keeping it a secret for many years and asking if she should tell him (file image)
An anonymous woman who is eight months pregnant told Mumsnet that her husband is unaware that she had an affair seven years ago
Distraught about her situation, the woman wrote: ‘My husband and I have been together for 10 years. We got married four years ago. Seven years ago I cheated.
‘We were living in different countries at the time and it was a difficult year for me. I missed him.
‘He’s not a great talker on the phone and I fell for someone who I was working with at the time. My husband doesn’t know and I feel guilty about it a lot.
‘I’m 8 months pregnant and love him more than anything. Should I tell him?’
Urging the woman to stay quiet, one person wrote: ‘Only tell him if you want to do permanent, inseparable damage to your marriage. Otherwise get counselling and put it behind you.
‘This is about you, not about your husband. You should have told him before your married and given him a choice. You didn’t. Get over it and focus on the future.’
Another said: ‘Do not be so b***** stupid, if you want to make some sort of amends give a decent whack to some woman’s charity and move on!’
Others argued the husband had a right to know about the affair and warned the woman’s secret would eat her alive.
Many responses to the post warned the woman that she shouldn’t tell her husband about the affair because it will cause incredible hurt
‘I am stunned the amount of people saying not to tell him. You cheated and lied. He deserves to know,’ wrote one.
Another said: ‘If it’s eating you up inside I would. I kept a similar secret for years and it sunk me into depression. Eventually I admitted everything, he forgave me and we worked on moving on. Very happy now, totally forgiven and forgotten and I no longer feel sick and depressed.
‘But you do risk that not being the case and him leaving. So you have to weigh up the benefits and cons. I couldn’t live with the guilt even if it mean’t him leaving me. Can you?’
A third added: ‘Of course you have to tell him. Why would you have married him when you were hiding a lie like that? He has a right to honesty in his life. It’s then up to him if he wants to continue the relationship.’
Others argued the husband has a right to know about the affair and to make a decision if he wants to stay in the relationship