Eurovision: Europe Shine A Light
Later… With Jools Holland
Rating: 
You have to feel sorry for Samanta Tina. The 31-year-old Latvian singer was picked to represent her country in the Eurovision Song Contest after five failed attempts… plus two more tries to compete for neighbouring Lithuania.
Coronavirus put paid to her dream. Honestly, if it wasn’t for bad luck, some people would have no luck at all.
Eurovision: Shine A Light (BBC1) was a fragmented and frequently cringeworthy attempt to stage a live show across the continent despite the lockdown.
‘It was really well intentioned and sincere,’ pleased Graham Norton, trying to be kind in his voiceover.
Host Edsilia Rombleyt presents the Eurovision’s Europe Shine A Light remote television show, in Hilversum, Netherlands
The idea was to give us a hint of the songs we wouldn’t be hearing this year — a 30-second clip from each of the 41 semi-finalists and finalists, plus a saccharine message from every one.
There’s only so many times I want to be urged to follow my dreams and believe in the power of music, and 41 is too many.
Some of the glimpses we got did look fabulous. The Israeli dancers were apparently wearing neon yellow PPE, and the Russian band waggled their knees like they were dancing the Charleston.
A Swedish trio of soul mamas adapted their tune to teach us how to wash our hands, while the Azerbaijanis went bonkers in the desert with a Jeep and a chant about Cleopatra.
The Icelandic number also looked fantastic, fronted by a 6ft 9in beanpole with a Rachel-from-Friends hairdo. But there wasn’t enough time to gauge whether any were really memorable.
Eurovision fans are used to marathons. We could gladly have watched all 41 songs in full — and better still, voted for our favourites from home.
That worked perfectly well in the earlier show, Eurovision: Come Together, when Abba’s Waterloo was chosen by the public as the nation’s favourite ever.
Instead, there were awkward, pointless interviews with presenters and former winners via a barely functioning video link.
Jools Holland showed us how to present a thoroughly entertaining music show when all the musicians are shut away as Later… With Jools Holland returned to BBC2
Bjorn from Abba left a recorded message by himself, which was faintly disheartening: if the foursome won’t get back together to fight the virus, there really isn’t any hope of a full-scale reunion, is there?
The show only came alive when we were allowed to hear full songs: Israel’s 2018 winner Netta performed a sweet pop song called Cuckoo, accompanied only by a wind-up musical box: ‘I’m like a bird in a cage and I’m going Cuckoo!’
We all know that feeling by now. The show ended with a supergroup collaboration, as all the contestants joined in a version of the UK’s last winning entry, Love Shine A Light, by Katrina And The Waves from 1997.
As the credits rolled, at least we could pretend Britain had won again. Jools Holland showed us how to present a thoroughly entertaining music show when all the musicians are shut away, as Later… (BBC2) returned.
Chatting via an iPad to French singer Heloise Letissier, who performs as Christine And The Queens, he asked her to pick some favourite moments from the archives.
When she started with David Bowie and a funky version of Ashes To Ashes, it was obvious we were in safe hands.
Her choices included Bjork dancing barefoot, Tracy Chapman singing her heart out, Janelle Monae channelling James Brown and Kanye West being mesmerisingly weird.
Jools’s chirpy chappie persona at his New Year’s Eve hootenannies can grate, but there’s no doubt that Later boasts an extraordinary archive of live performances.
Only the Old Grey Whistle Test has anything close to it. More like this, please.