YOU don’t earn the nickname Fash The Bash if you can’t handle yourself on a football field.
But John Fashanu, a kingpin of Wimbledon’s combative Crazy Gang with Vinnie Jones and Dennis Wise in the Eighties, says the game’s hardmen are “kittens” compared with the military veterans now putting him through his paces on reality TV show Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins.
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Fash, 57, also thinks chief instructor Ant Middleton and his team of soldiers would make mincemeat of the beefcakes on Nineties show Gladiators, which he hosted with Ulrika Jonsson.
Speaking exclusively to The Sun, Fash says: “Middleton is the hardest and most intimidating person I’ve ever encountered.
“Vinnie at 3pm kick-off — that’s frightening. Meeting Gladiators’ Wolf in the dark is pretty scary — and he’s certified mad. But meeting Middleton, you just run.
“In terms of hardness, the SAS guys are Premier League, the Gladiators are League Two.”
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Former centre-forward Fash, who won two caps for England, is one of 12 contestants — including reality TV’s Joey Essex and Katie Price, Rudimental DJ Locksmith and ex-boxer Tony Bellew — trying to complete the gruelling SAS selection process in the Channel 4 show’s latest all-star series.
But it did not take him long to realise it is another level of toughness compared with his previous reality show outings, such as I’m A Celeb and Loaded TV’s Fash FC, where he goes back to football’s grass roots to run a Sunday league team.
He says: “I thought it would be a doddle but, goodness me, it’s like a war zone. Some of the things we do on SAS, I wouldn’t want my worst enemy to do — and when I was in football, I had plenty of enemies.
“You’re up at 2am, sirens go, lights come on and you’ve got to get out there, hide somewhere and shoot firearms, run through mud — dive under a wall underneath water.
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“It pushes you, it really does. You can see why celebrities crack. The SAS guys don’t care who you are or what you’ve done. They don’t take prisoners.”
In tomorrow night’s episode Fash gets into a scrap with Locksmith, 34, during a game of “murderball”, where contestants are split into teams then fight for possession of a tyre and battle to push it over the opposing side’s goal line.
Fash got so riled, he had to be pulled off Locksmith — real name Leon Rolle — by 39-year-old Ant. He says: “I was noticing it was getting a little bit rougher and some of the tackles were getting a little bit more real.
“Locksmith pulled me on one tackle, so I was retaliating and giving it back.
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“But this is why we failed, because we took our attention away from winning the match by personalising it. It was a case of, ‘I know you’re coming for me so I’m now coming for you.’
“The nice thing is, we’re all mature — we got up afterwards, shook hands and everybody walked away. But we lost points because we didn’t control ourselves — and with the SAS it’s all about self-control.”
Despite quitting football 25 years ago, Fash remains in top shape — which he puts down to four martial art black belts and the facts that he has “never been drunk” and always avoided drugs.
He has no pity for ex-footballers who have piled on the pounds since their glory days — like his pal, Liverpool and England ace John Barnes.
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He says: “There’s a discipline in how you look. You can look like Barnesy and go crazy. There’s no excuse, it’s ridiculous. Or you can do your training, work hard and know your life is going to be a little bit longer because you’re healthy.
“You also have to carry on inspiring other people to be fit and healthy, which is very important. When Barnesy was playing, he was a big lad but very fit and healthy, yet I saw him the other day on TV and thought, ‘Whoah!’ ”
Fash was born in London to Nigerian barrister Patrick and Guyanan nurse Pearl — and now lives in Nigeria, where he has been for the past 14 years.
He lives a comfortable life thanks to earnings from his playing days, TV presenting jobs such as Gladiators which he co-hosted for six years, and reality show appearances.
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He also has a property empire in the West African country and runs the John Fashanu Sports Academy, which aims to produce football stars of the future.
But his priority now is “‘marrying off” his daughter and manager Amal, a model and aspiring TV presenter. Amal, 31, fronted acclaimed BBC3 documentary Britain’s Gay Footballers which profiled Fash’s late brother Justin.
He was Britain’s first openly gay top-flight footballer, who became the sport’s first black £1million player, at Nottingham Forest in 1981, only to take his life in 1998, aged 37.
But any suitors chasing after Amal face a hard time impressing dad-of-four Fash, despite his willingness for her to settle down. He says:
“Let’s be honest, I am a bit of a monster, I’m the biggest nightmare you’ve ever seen.
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“Guys out there, let me tell you: ‘You wanna marry my daughter? Google her — Amal Fashanu, beautiful woman — but you’ve got the Big Fash to contend with.’
“I met one of her boyfriends two years ago. His shoes had a small hole in one of them and that was enough for me to kick him out of my house. So beware.”
So what is Fash looking for in a potential son-in-law?
He says: “Number one, they say ‘the strength of a man can be seen in what he’s wearing, his watch and his shoes.’ So I’ll be looking at his watch and shoes to see what level he’s at — League Two or no league at all. Number two, I’m not a man who likes long hair. So if you have lengthy locks, you’re gone — get out.
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“Number three, no footballers. If I look back at what I was like when I was 22, I probably had 16 or 17 girlfriends at the same time. The green light was always there.”
If that doesn’t sound scary enough for would-be boyfriends, John will also be watching their every move. He says: “I would be updating regularly on social media how my daughter is getting on with this boyfriend, so there would be a lot of pressure on.”
A boxing match with Ant Middleton sounds more appealing.
- Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins is on Channel 4 tonight at 9pm.
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