Dick Van Dyke will do it for £385, and former Charlie’s Angel Cheryl Ladd is available for £125. Closer to home, Miranda Hart is a snip at £80. And if you’re really on a budget, then Lee MacDonald, better known as Zammo from Grange Hill, will oblige for £15.
Forget autographs and selfies, this is the world of celebrity video messaging.
Now you can pick an idol from one of many websites advertising their wares, send details of what you want them to say, and then await an email containing the personalised video they have recorded for you.
Such sites were around before coronavirus. But it’s almost as if they were designed with social distancing in mind.
Dick Van Dyke will do it for £385, and former Charlie’s Angel Cheryl Ladd is available for £125. Closer to home, Miranda Hart is a snip at £80. Forget autographs and selfies, this is the world of celebrity video messaging
Meanwhile, with film and TV studios also going into lockdown, it’s an easy way for telly stars to make a quick buck.
Indeed, the price tag can be hefty. Caitlyn Jenner is one of the most expensive of the 20,000 celebrities listed on American site Cameo, charging £2,000 for videos as short as 22 seconds (equivalent to £300,000 an hour). But celebs are much cheaper on this side of the Atlantic.
On British site Celeb VM, the highest-priced is boxer Amir Khan at £390, followed by rugby player James Haskell at £80. Most hover around the £20 to £50 mark.
The celebrities can refuse any requests they don’t like the sound of — although some have few limits. In America, Mark McGrath, lead singer of a band called Sugar Ray, even agreed to tell the recipient of a video that his girlfriend wanted to break up with him.
While birthday shout-outs are the most popular category, many celebs also offer pep-talks. You can, for example, receive ‘business advice’ from Mean Girls star Lindsay Lohan.
But how much effort goes into these videos, and are they worth the money?
With my birthday looming, and my waistline expanding, I ordered messages from various British celebrities and asked them to inspire me to lose two stone before the big day…
Christopher Biggins’ video was charming and humorous
Christopher Biggins
Price: £25, celebvm.com
Video length: 1 minute, 3 seconds
Response time: Two days
I’m apprehensive about what I might get from former I’m A Celebrity winner and Porridge actor Biggins. The video on his profile features him squashed into one side of the screen with most of the frame taken up by his kitchen sink. Centre-stage is a J-cloth draped over the tap.
Camerawork aside, the 27 reviews he has received to date are overwhelmingly positive.For my video, Biggins is once again in the kitchen and still occupying only a third of the frame. This time there’s a lovely teapot in the background.
The relish with which he reads through the guilty pleasures I’ve mentioned isn’t helpful. ‘Chocolate digestives . . . plain or milk? I love the plain ones. Crisps? Oooh, salt and vinegar for me.’ He ends with a laugh. ‘Any tips? Yes, enjoy yourself. Be your own person and have a good time.’
VERDICT: 7/10. It’s charming and humorous. And once he has worked out where the camera is on his phone, he could be king of the video message jungle.
Miranda Hart was kind, amusing and genuinely inspiring
Miranda Hart
Price: £80, cameo.com
Video length: 4 minutes, 24 seconds
Response time: One day
Although Hart is easily the most expensive of my messages, she does not skip on the length, making it one of the best value at 30p per second. And gosh, it’s got everything.
First there are the behind-the-scenes insights. Hart has filmed the video while sitting up in bed and I can reveal exclusively that she has . . . a rather lovely blue dressing-gown.
Then there’s the feeling that she really cares about what she’s saying. And to top it all, she’s got some very useful advice. ‘Every time you reach for a custard cream or a crisp, imagine yourself two stone lighter on your 56th birthday, and how incredibly proud and pleased you would be to feel lighter in every sense. And it’s quite likely you’ll put down the custard cream because you know what you want.’
VERDICT: 10/10. This is what I call a winner. It’s kind, amusing and genuinely inspiring. I’ll be taking Miranda’s advice to heart.
Shaun Williamson included some exercise tips in his video
Shaun Williamson
Price: £30, celebvm.com
Video length: 1 minute, 6 seconds
Response time: One day
‘It’s Shaun Williamson here,’ begins the video from this familiar face. ‘Barry from EastEnders, Barry from Ricky Gervais’s Extras. And Barry in anything anyone is willing to pay me to be Barry in, basically.’
Although these lines appear in the samples on the website, Williamson does a great job of making it feel as though he’s recorded it especially for me.
He even includes exercise tips. ‘What I do is power-walk. Put your arms and head through holes in a bin-bag and wear it inside your tracksuit and you’ll sweat like you-know-what.’
There’s nutritional advice too: ‘Regarding little treats, get a low-calorie sweet snack and just eat it. It won’t taste as good as chocolate digestives, but it just kills the old sweet tooth.’
VERDICT: 7/10. Not sure I’ll be sporting a bin-bag any time soon, but he came up with practical tips, too.
Rebecca Adlington is warm and relatable
Rebecca Adlington
Price: £30, celebvm.com
Video length: 1 minute, 9 seconds
Response time: Five days
Recording in her kitchen, Adlington is, unsurprisingly, a great advocate of swimming as ‘a brilliant way to lose weight’.
Given that I can manage barely a length of crawl without stopping for a rest, I’m not keen.
But it’s heartening to hear even a double Olympic gold medallist has lapses in willpower, as Adlington admits she is addicted to sweets.
VERDICT: 8/10. Ending with cheery ‘best of luck and happy birthday,’ she is warm and relatable.
Only Fools’ John Challis is funny rather than motivating
John Challis
Price: £30, celebvm.com
Video length: 56 seconds
Response time: One day
With 146 video messages recorded to date, Challis is one of the most requested performers on CelebVM.
His popularity is well deserved given that he delivers my message in character as Boycie from Only Fools And Horses, complete with jacket, tie and, of course, a drink in one hand.
The voice and braying laugh are so familiar it’s rather unsettling when he addresses me by name, followed inevitably by a reference to his fictional wife Marlene.
‘Good day to you, David,’ he intones. ‘Boycie here. Now I hear you have put on a little bit of beef. Well, my advice to you is to find a friend like my Marlene, who can’t cook for toffee and you’ll soon go off your food.’ With that, he shouts off camera. ‘Come along Marlene for Gawd’s sake. We’re just off down the Nag’s Head for a snifter with Del and the gang,’ he says. ‘So we’ll raise a glass to you.’
VERDICT: 9/10. Funny rather than motivating but if you want advice on dieting I guess you shouldn’t ask a used car salesman.
Danniella Westbrook looked glamorously made up for her heartfelt message
Danniella Westbrook
Price: £15, celebvm.com
Length: 52 seconds
Response time: One day
Danniella knows a thing or two about life’s up and downs. In EastEnders she’s been tricked into topless modelling and framed for murder, while off-screen she’s battled addiction.
All of which may explain the confessional and heartfelt nature of her video, for which she is glamorously made-up, with her big blue eyes framed by a pair of enormous tortoise-shell spectacles. It’s like being counselled by an attractive owl.
I can tell you disappointingly little about her choice of home furnishing because she gets so close to the camera you feel she might step through the lens.
‘If you’re happy with who you are and comfortable, then just be you,’ she says. ‘Because I’m sure you’re lovely the way you are. But get going anyway!’
VERDICT: 8/10. Short on any tips, but sweet and compassionate.
‘Just say no . . . to food after 7.30pm,’ cautions Grange Hill’s Lee MacDonald
Lee MacDonald
Price: £15, celebvm.com
Length: 1 minute, 6 seconds
Response time: Three hours
I’d forgotten that Zammo, the cheeky schoolboy played by Lee MacDonald in Grange Hill, became the face of the Just Say No anti-drugs campaign in the 80s. But MacDonald, now a locksmith in Surrey, clearly hasn’t.
His Celeb VM samples include a video wishing a lady called Linda a happy 50th birthday. Apropos of nothing, he serenades her with a snatch of the song which accompanied the campaign, then breaks off with a laugh. ‘Well, yeah, it weren’t that good the first time around.’
I am also treated to a quick burst of Just Say No, and once again MacDonald stops after the first two lines. ‘Yep, it was pants the first time around,’ he says. Sounds familiar, but even if he’s milking his party trick for all it’s worth, he does at least make it relevant to me.
‘Just say no . . . to food after 7.30pm,’ he cautions.
It’s hardly original advice. But MacDonald delivers his message with gusto and his character is remembered with much affection, judging by his reviews. ‘Although we had about half a dozen celebrity videos played at our reception, yours got the loudest cheer by far,’ reads one.
VERDICT: 7.5/10. He might deserve detention for recycling his material, but he’s top of the class when it comes to fun and energy in his message.